I am a 47 year old “young”woman, married to my best friend, love of my life, biggest fan, incredible encourager, and godly man. We have two sons, 22 and 20, I am so proud of the young men they have become and love them dearly. They also have been an incredible support. God has truly blessed our family in ways unimaginable and has drawn us together as a family.
I work part-time as an office manager for two gifted therapists. They are supportive of the journey I am on and have been extraordinarialy encouraging and patient, especially on days when I am not very functional. God blessed me with this unique opportunity to work for people who understand DID, sometimes even more than myself.
After many, many years of therapy for an eating disorder, PTSD and depression, I was diagnosed in 2012 with the mental illness, Dissociative Identity Disorder. I am a survivor of severe childhood sexual abuse, emotional, physical abuse and teenage sexual abuse. That led to 30 years numbing with alcohol, food, self harm and at time prescription drugs. I thought everyone had similar experiences I was having, along with constant voices in my head, lost time, nightmares, and sleep issues.
For years I tried to keep all these things to myself, but as another survivor described having DID, it was like trying to keep frogs in a wheel barrel while traveling down a bumpy road! Life circumstances changed drastically for me and that is when my unraveling from the inside out began.
I am grateful to have met a Christian therapist, who has worked with many DID clients in her 20 years of counseling. After almost a year of working with her, she began to discuss the possibility of my dissociation. Of course, like most of us, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Although it seemed to explain my life and lack of childhood memories, I wasn’t exactly embracing this new diagnosis. She approached it slowly, showed great compassion and kindness, but I rejected the idea.
After taking some “time off” from therapy (thinking it would go away), I returned to examine how this could be true, and if in fact, it applied to me. It didn’t take long for my first “switch” to happen, and we began a slow, grueling, and intense work. Dissociation is a gift from God that allows people to cope when they would otherwise turn to suicide or become mentally locked up because of the trauma. It is a lifesaving technique for survival.
I know that healing comes from God alone, it is in His timing and not mine. Until that day comes I will continue to fight, work and TRUST! In Philippians 1:6, Paul shares this promise to Timothy and the believers in Philippi, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your paths straight.”