Finding a Purpose

I have found myself asking the same question, although many different ways, over and over again. “What is my purpose?” “What will I be when I grow up?” “Will I ever be able to have a career again?” “How long is all this going to take?” “What am I going to do with my life?” “I’m 48, now what?” “What is God’s will for my life?” “Will I ever be healed or well enough to have a career?” Even though I know all the “right” answers to this question, I am finding difficulty in believing there’s actually something better waiting for me.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my job as an office manager for two, incredibly gifted, respected and caring therapists. They have given me an opportunity to be involved in the workplace, while I’m intensely seeking my own therapy and healing. I am blessed to be there, no question!

I had two incredible career experiences prior to resigning and working on “Me, myself, and the gang! This journey, the past 5 1/2 years, has taken many turns, seen many road blocks, small crashes, lost some much needed baggage, allowed me to breathe again, challenged me to do things I would never do, depend on others, trust, believe, love, witnessed miracles, freedom and have faith that God will continue to bring healing.

Sounds like I’m whining, huh?  Probably a great deal of truth in that statement. I have always achieved what I set out to accomplish. I was always afraid to try anything that could possibly be a failure; that didn’t leave much to choose from. My inside parts have taught me countless things I NEVER knew about myself; it continues to blow my mind. Here are a few examples of things I would never try, never liked or not considered before:

  • We love to cook
  • We can sew, don’t use patterns, make things up as we go
  • We make jewelry by taking old pieces, busting them up and recreating them into beautiful things
  • We paint shoes or rings or jewelry
  • We can read music and play some on the piano
  • We design websites and logos
  • We draw and illustrate each sketch
  • We love and ride horses
  • We love to shop and by shop, I mean clothes and shoes

There is probably more, but you get the point. Shocking to myself, my family and those close to me to see it all unfold. Well, they may not be as shocked as I am! My therapist is always saying, “You can do anything! Is there anything you can’t do? ” She jokes about how she wishes she could do even some of those things.

Then why sit and wonder what my purpose is moving forward? It starts with the truth; it’s not about me. Yep, that’s right ________, it’s NOT about you! Life is about God. He created me, on purpose, to bring Him glory. It goes against most of what we hear on a daily basis, in our society, if we were to watch the news.:) But believing and living otherwise would be a never-ending, empty, uphill battle.

Making life choices, based solely, on what makes me “happy” will be a waste of my time. Seeking God first, allowing Him to lead and show me my purpose; that’s what He intended for this adventurous life. I think my struggle comes from a place of fear. Fear of not being able to do the things I once did; fear that I can’t handle a full time career. I can’t let those fears drive me or my decisions. What would bring God glory? That’s my purpose…

Matthew 10:39 says, “If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”

Matthew 7:7 says, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

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13 thoughts on “Finding a Purpose

  1. I hear so much growth here, really having the inner determination to be thoughtful around your life choices, and where you want to go from here, utilizing all the growth you’ve had in therapy. And the gratitude is also such a healing attitude to take – while continuing to want more satisfaction and meaning and purpose.

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  2. ” I can’t let those fears drive me or my decisions. What would bring God glory? That’s my purpose…”
    Oh my god, you’re so beautiful! You’re beautiful! I let fear drive me all the time but I know you’re right, and following your heart and following God is the way to go. I really want to let all this fear I have around me and about me out, and I think just reading this was a good first step, so thank-you! 🙂
    Its so much easier to surrender to God. Just giving your all to God unburdens you and makes you feel peaceful in a special way. take care and thank-you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is truth! Surrendering it all to God; He is the only one who can ultimately heal, bring wholeness and freedom. He loves us deeply and is intentional with us individually. The world wants our purpose to be, “what makes us happy”, but God wants incredibly more than we could ever ask or imagine!! I hope this find you well. Thank you for reaching out and sharing.

      Like

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