What a cycle of shit that has become! I don’t know where one ends and the other begins. I’m guessing, for me, it’s anger first. My mind doesn’t know what to do with anger, because I’ve always told myself, “Anger is bad, you can’t be angry.” So I move quickly into feeling hurt; I don’t like feeling hurt, it’s powerless and overwhelming. That is followed by shame; shame sneaks up on me and says, “I am bad because I got mad and now I feel hurt.” The trio, working together, takes me out! I find myself struggling to stay present most of the time.
This cycle started Friday after my therapy and I can’t seem to shake it after 4 days. Ugh! I want to “go away inside” and hide from the world. Let another part take over- they seem to be better at this shit than me! I feel so immature with these feelings. I hate that, more than I’d like to admit.