I guess since all this has happened I realize that my attachment to people comes on the basis of dependence. I depend on people to tell me “I’m good enough”, “I’m not bad”, and “I’m worth it”. I hate this about my personality because doing this work in therapy with DID has made me feel worthless, bad, defective, broken and a mistake! It’s hard to combat those words on a daily basis, so it’s comforting when people come into our lives and say the opposite. They remind me of how God sees me, and that is the complete opposite from what I’m berating myself with, constantly!
This is my fault; I allowed people to get too close, to share in my life, to depend on them, to let them support me. I have always maintained strong boundaries, but I blew it here! People feel like they get a “say” in our life, have to explain or need defend us to others if need be- because they’re only “trying to help”! Maybe they think they are protecting us. That is all enabling, controlling, codependent, blah, blah, blah! People have good intentions, I get it, but when it doesn’t go the way they want…shit hits the fan!
I’m in this place because I chose to trust! But I can promise you this….not anymore!