Trying Something New…

Tomorrow during my 3hr therapy session, I am going to try EMDR. It’s kind of an experiment, a favor, and potentially beneficial. Now I know you are thinking, “This girl has lost her mind! You don’t do EMDR for those first 2 reasons.”  Well, maybe not. It’s an experiment because I’ve tried it several years ago (prior to my DID diagnosis), but I was, at that time, unaware of my parts. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. Oops! My bad!

My T has never seen it done or knows much about it, other than the negative comments from her other DID clients. I have seen it done, effectively, and I believe it would be helpful for her to see it. And it’s a favor for my ‘damn therapist’ friend, who is exceptionally gifted in EMDR, and trained with DID. That leaves the potentially beneficial piece. LOL. I know it will be beneficial, but I am a little nervous. We are targeting a non-traumatic issue, so it shouldn’t be too uncomfortable…right??

Well, I know enough about EMDR to be dangerous. 🙂 I know what to expect, to some degree, know it can take me down many paths, and could open me up to things I’m unaware of right now. I know I will be present, which is different than me switching back and forth between parts, and that scares me. Not in the fear sense, but the fact that I may be emotional beyond what I’m feeling on the surface. I am both nervous and eager to try it with a better understanding of myself and the process, an EMDR trained therapist, and having my own therapist in the room.

I doubt this will be something that I continue doing, but I want to have a positive view of it (for myself) and it will bring up things I need to work on too. I’m feeling anxious about one area I am sure will come up and it involves my therapist. And just saying out loud brings it to the light, yikes! We will address it at the right time, I have no doubt. I have complete confidence in my T, I know she is committed to seeing me through to healing, and she truly cares about me and all my sweet parts. She works hard, gives of her time and makes it possible for me to have extended times and days…she truly is a blessing and a gift from God. She is incredibly talented in working with DID clients and it’s evident in my own life.

For the past 6 months I have been visualizing a place that feels incredibly safe for me. Not knowing this was going to happen (we decided 2 days ago), I’m glad I started looking for images a long time ago. Here is where I would go, if this was a place, just for me and my insiders! It is safe, secluded, beautiful, warm, cozy, and perfect. I could go here whenever I want too…



6 thoughts on “Trying Something New…

  1. Good luck and keen to hear about process and results. I tried it about a year ago and that evening had a panic attack and major regression. In fact, I had to take two days off work because the anxiety and implicit pain was so much to bear. I was also crying lots so it obviously brought up quite a lot that I wasn’t aware of. In the end, it just passed, but it took about a week or so to settle down. I would do it again, but mindful of what happened. We did the EMDR on my feelings of shame and disgust about myself by the way.
    That’s just my experience and I am glad I did it and as I said would do it again, but would have a few days off just in case it badly triggered me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, that was intense. I have done lots of intense work up to now, so I am hoping this won’t be as intense. I’m picking a target with much less emotion than what you took on-that was courageous on your part! I will let you know how it goes…2hrs away from start time and I’m feeling anxious.


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