“The closer you get to God the more satan will send pain your way but what satan forgot was that when you are in pain, you are more susceptible to being blessed by God. God gives us strength in the time of our weakness.”
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When am I closer to where God wants me to be or when I am close to receiving a breakthrough from the Lord; satan shows up to try and disrupt things. The closer I get to God, and trusting that He is healing and bringing freedom; the more satan tries to attack the things I am doing.
What I’m learning is, when I can clearly see the things God is doing, start celebrating the good that is happening; I get blindsided and taken out.
Right after my last post “New Day”, I had a migraine, that once again, put in a dissociated state. One of my teenagers and another part took me to work, helped me get through the day and stayed in contact with my therapist. I had taken medication that is not possible for me to function, but I needed (in my opinion) to be at work. I know, dumb choice! It is one of the “good” things about having DID, you have options when you can’t be “out”.
My T was texting with B (my teenage part) to see if she thought I could meet with her at the office or maybe even talk on the phone. B didn’t think I could manage having any conversation, so by the afternoon, she took me home. Even though I know it happens, it always shocks me as to how this all happens. The migraines have usually originated from another teenage part-K. She and I share them, but my T seems to have some way to help her through, and knock it out. It was the first time that I had the migraine alone, and it seemed to cause an exuberant amount of chaos internally. The really sweet thing was, each part pitched in to help me function, and I feel so blessed that they care so much!
When I made it home late afternoon, my husband said I walked through the front door, said nothing, went into the bedroom, and stood there looking around like I was lost. He knew right away that I was not good. I immediately remembered the migraine and had to go lay down. My husband has never experienced a migraine, so it’s hard for him to understand I need a quiet, dark and cool room, in my bed and no talking. I wish he could understand it isn’t possible to simply lay on the couch and watch TV. My T has migraines and another friend of mine too, so it’s nice to have those who empathize and understand what is needed.
After I slept it off, I was able to communicate with my T about the day, read all the back and forth texting and had an overall view of what took place. She suggested I come in Monday for a session, even though I have my 2 regularly scheduled sessions for the week. At times, I feel like I’m never going to get back to one session a week, especially with all the 3rd sessions I’ve added lately….Ugh! But the goal is healing, and I cannot lose sight of that right now. No matter how many sessions it takes, I want to get to a place of wholeness.
My little ones, on the inside, say when all is good it’s like the sun is always rising, and there is no more darkness. What a beautiful picture of how it will be someday. No more darkness, no more pain, no more tears….just celebrating a God who loves us, saved us and called us home!