My last therapy session was last week, so it has been 5 days since I’ve been there. Tuesday is my day to go, but not today! My therapist is on vacation this week, I see her 2x a week (3x when things are bad) and I am having a difficult time. I don’t know if it’s all related to her vacation, as much as it is the discussion we had during my last session. I should know better than to bring up subject matter that my be undoing, but clearly I wasn’t thinking. Now I am undone, have had constant, major anxiety (which is new) and migraines. This anxiety/panic feeling is horrible! I had no idea, the people who struggle with this everyday, just how badly this feels. For me, it’s like someone is sitting on me and squeezing my chest. It’s hard to breathe at times…I hate it! I can’t focus on the assignments my T gave me to work on this week because it is panic-inducing.
Yesterday I wanted to drive myself to a hospital or treatment center and check myself in hoping it would help. I can’t get control of this, and frankly, it’s pissing me off! Why does this have to happen when she is on vacation?? Really?? I want to be on vacation from DID right now too. Okay, so I’m sounding like a child throwing a fit…and that would be correct.
But here’s the deal, even when I’m experiencing all of these seemingly, unmanageable problems…God already knows about them. He doesn’t promise I won’t have them; He promises to be there, by my side, walking me through, with His help and strength. He knows I’m having a tantrum waaaaay before it happens, and He still cares enough to love and heal my hurts. God Keeps His Promises….Always!