It’s Tuesday and I’m Undone

My last therapy session was last week, so it has been 5 days since I’ve been there. Tuesday is my day to go, but not today!  My therapist is on vacation this week, I see her 2x a week (3x when things are bad) and I am having a difficult time.  I don’t know if it’s all related to her vacation, as much as it is the discussion we had during my last session.  I should know better than to bring up subject matter that my be undoing, but clearly I wasn’t thinking. Now I am undone, have had constant, major anxiety (which is new) and migraines.  This anxiety/panic feeling is horrible!  I had no idea, the people who struggle with this everyday, just how badly this feels.  For me, it’s like someone is sitting on me and squeezing my chest.  It’s hard to breathe at times…I hate it!  I can’t focus on the assignments my T gave me to work on this week because it is panic-inducing.

Yesterday I wanted to drive myself to a hospital or treatment center and check myself in giphy1hoping it would help.  I can’t get control of this, and frankly, it’s pissing me off!  Why does this have to happen when she is on vacation?? Really??  I want to be on vacation from DID right now too.  Okay, so I’m sounding like a child throwing a fit…and that would be correct.

But here’s the deal, even when I’m experiencing  all of these seemingly, unmanageable problems…God already knows about them.  He doesn’t promise I won’t have them; He promises to be there, by my side, walking me through, with His help and strength.  He knows I’m having a tantrum waaaaay before it happens, and He still cares enough to love and heal my hurts.  God Keeps His Promises….Always!

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9 thoughts on “It’s Tuesday and I’m Undone

  1. I relate to hating therapist vacations! That sounds really stressful for you. I’d say give ‘assignments’ a rest until your T is back to support you. Just getting through it is hard enough. Glad you have your faith to help.

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  2. I agree with Ellen, it is OK to give any assignment work a rest and just get by as best you can. Your therapist is so helpful and supportive, and it makes a lot of sense that you are feeling this way. Therapist breaks are so hard. I think you are coping well though, for what it is worth.

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      1. I’m glad you went. Has she done this before, seen you during a vacation period? (I am just curious). My therapist will talk to me on the phone when she is away on vacation, or do a skype session. So I totally get it.

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      2. Yes, I hate to admit it. She doesn’t normally leave town and if it is a week long break, I unfortunately end up seeing her. It makes me feel extremely guilty, but I also know (in my head) she wouldn’t offer to see me, if she didn’t feel it was necessary. I am grateful for her concern and care for my healing. She feels like an extra session this week will be effective, and scheduled me for tomm. I keep thinking I’ll make it back to one session a week instead of two, but lately it’s been three. 😦

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      3. I get feeling that you don’t like having those extra sessions, but I do think that if you need it, you need it. I know how hard it is to accept that, because I often feel the same way. I judge myself for it. But I think if we need the support, then giving ourselves that support with compassion is what we need.

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  3. You are right! Judgement is hard not to do. Perhaps…I may use this in the future when you get too hard on yourself. Lol Seriously though, you’ve been a great support to me (us).

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