My usual Friday, long session, was moved to Thursday, except I didn’t know how long it was going to last. She, my T, asked if I could come Thursday at 11am, but I didn’t ask her about the length of time. I guess it didn’t matter because we kept going until I shared along with 3 other parts. Whew! Those are very exhausting sessions, when I switch multiple times. It didn’t help that I walked into her office already crying…and continued for the next hour I was present and sharing the following…
I was able to share my feelings (yuck), my irrational thinking (which I was aware of), and my fears of being vulnerable and honest with her. It was painful, and she kept trying to reassure me that wasn’t accurate or true (which I knew) after each piece, which made it harder to stay focused. I was able to get through each one and then I thanked her for all the time and generosity she gives, above and beyond what I deserve. She allows me to contact her more than what I know to be normal for most clients. I also thanked her for caring about me and my parts.
She complimented me on the work I am doing, saying it’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do, and that I am the first client, with DID, she has had that worked this hard. She said that my perseverance through the difficult things has been like none she has seen before. All of those kind words were extremely hard to hear, believe and hold as my own. I am someone who can immediately hear a compliment then throw it out or completely disregard it because I don’t believe it to be truth. So, making myself look straight at her, and say, “Thank you”, and believe her words was a big step for me.
The session ended well, my teenage part, that has been the focus as of late, came and shared how the two of us are learning to work together. She is realizing her coping/numbing mechanisms are not healthy or a solution. I am thankful for how far she has come, the work she is doing, and her sincere love and concern for me. I’m learning that she has been closest to the surface, more than any other part.
She was followed by my 8 yr old, Wendy, who had colored a page, with a frog, for my T. Frogs are her favorite, and she loves talking about them. A few minutes after she came, my 5 yr old, Sis, showed up to present her coloring page from the movie, “Inside Out”. She and my T talked about the movie and good memories they both experienced. It is always so precious and sweet to listen to the “littles” visit with my T. She is wonderful with my parts, but uniquely gifted when it comes to my “littles”. The ability to get on their level, speak to them, and engage in conversation that makes them feel completely at ease…is extraordinary.
My night went well, I actually slept for about 5 straight hours, and that is amazing. The two days of migraines were gone, and my community felt more at ease than it has for the last two weeks. God is good and still in control. His plans and purposes for my life are and will always be for good, always! He loves me along with each and everyone of my parts. The same God that gave me a way out of abuse, through dissociation, is the Creator of the universe and every living thing.