Therapy Tuesday went something like this….
- Run at 5:30am, it’s 22 degrees, I’m with my friend, in the dark, fighting a slight headache, and pushing her to go 5.5 miles.
- 8:30am-headed out for BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) where we are studying the book of Revelation. So much stuff, so deep, so much imagery, so much interpretation, so, so much…learning so much too!
- Somewhere between point #2 and #3, I switched. My teenage part was triggered and now sitting there listening to the speaker share a personal story about being a rebellious teenager and talking to her Christian parents. I guess she was feeling uneasy about the entire content.
- I “came back” for the last point- #3, only to find myself with an uneasy, was anyone watching me, could they tell, what just happened, kinda feeling. Switching in public is the worst, I tell ya! What’s even worser (I made that word up) is switching while in a church full of women (respectfully older than me) while learning about the bible!
- On my drive home, I’m struggling to stay present. I want to smoke, but I hate to smoke! I want to cut, but I don’t cut. I want to drink, but I’m driving. Are you following the madness of it all?? I want to numb…
- 2hours until therapy, I can make it. But for what? I am not sure what really happened. I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.
- Therapy starts at 1:30 and ends at 3:00….OMG it’s 3:00, I’m standing in the middle of my therapist’s office, coat on, migraine pounding, and I feel completely dissociated.
- Do I go home, go to work (where I’m supposed to go), head to the bathroom to vomit because of the migraine, lay down on the floor because I can barely move or sit in the lobby until it “magically” goes away??
- I decide to sit in the lobby and wait for it to pass, but I don’t make it there (prob 10 steps) because I have to throw up. I go back to the chairs in the lobby and, wait, wait, wait and then decide to head to my car….
- Back to the bathroom to vomit again, then back to the chairs, then up to leave, back to the bathroom, back to the chairs….damn! I’m making my head spin just typing this!
- Apparently I’m there doing this for a whole hour, because she (therapist) comes out to get another client, and I’m still there! She calls my “support team” so someone can take me home.
- I just need to take my migraine pill, oh, but I left my purse in the car and that is where I keep the pills. NICE!
- My friend comes, because my husband can’t get there, and she drags me to her truck, rolls me in the backseat, I curl up in a ball, and try and hold it in until I get home.
- What the hell happened today? What took place between BSF and therapy? What was said in therapy? Why am I having a migraine again? WHHHHYYYYY?
- After I take my “cocktail” of migraine meds, I feel numb, kind of paralyzed, awake- but not really. I hate and love the feeling, all at the same time.