Revelation 7:17 says, “For the Lamb on the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”
One day, we will be made new, whole, healed, no more sorrow and no more tears. I long for this day, but for now I will praise God in the storms; the days when if feels like I have been overtaken with the burdens of my past.
Today I helped my friend lead worship in a small church. I love to worship, but it has not been easy for me this past year. I struggle with strong emotions and most times have to cancel last minute. As we prepared for this morning, things were going well, and I felt as though God was giving me a small blessing to be able to share who He is, with this group of people.
However, as the service time grew closer, the tears began to form and I wasn’t sure why it was happening. Inside, I felt a stirring, possibly K (my teenage part), I wasn’t sure. I would sing, and then feel more tears surface, sing more, and cry more. The pastor shared a verse from Revelation 5, about Jesus, the Lamb who was slaughtered and blood poured out for each one of us, for the forgiveness of our sins. I am currently doing a study in the book of Revelation, and I had learned of this verse and it’s true meaning. Today, as I listened to it being read, I couldn’t stop the tears.
When I got home, I decided to text my therapist, to see if she may have some insight into what might be going on with K or what. She has been talking to her during our therapy sessions, but I haven’t been able to hear their conversations the past two sessions. She said they have been talking about God, how He loves her, how He’s washed her white was snow, and that she is a new creation, etc. Wow, all these feelings were surfacing during church this morning.
I know it’s rare, but I am thankful I chose a Christian therapist 4 years ago, because she has helped me in so many ways. I have struggled, since my DID diagnosis, with my relationship with the Lord. I know He loves me and He has a plan for my life that is GOOD, that He will never leave, abandon or abuse me (unlike my parents). She reminds me of His truths and promises, and I am truly grateful for her leadership in this area. On top of all that, she is extremely gifted in working with Dissociative Identity Disorder. She is an answer to my prayers and God is using her in mighty ways to bring healing- spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
I am always in awe of how God works, even when I doubt, when I’m afraid, or if I feel like He isn’t there. I have an 8yr old part (Wendy) who taught me a song this past year. She used to sing it in therapy, and eventually I looked it up online to see if it was an actual song. Guess what? It was!
The lyrics were from the “Inscription of Hope”: Based on fragments of Jewish text found on a cellar wall in Cologne, Germany during the Holocaust- World War II. It is believed to have been scrawled by a child hiding from the Nazis in 1943.
even when it is not shining
even when He is silent”