Today I am celebrating, what I would call, a small victory! It has been a whole day since I’ve binged/purged or cut.
Whew! I said it, that wasn’t so bad, right? I hate admitting to things, because it makes me feel bad, corrupt, or not good. Especially when I’m not fully aware of them happening.
I have learned many things along this journey with DID, PTSD, Depression, Eating Disorder, Addictions, and a Survivor of Abuse…
- Don’t Quit-Keep Going
- Believe in Yourself
I am sure there are many more, but you get the idea. This reminds me of the verses in Philippians 3:12-14:
12″I have not yet received all these things. I have not yet reached my goal. Christ Jesus took hold of me so that I could reach that goal. So I keep pushing myself forward to reach it. 13 Brothers and sisters, I don’t consider that I have taken hold of it yet. But here is the one thing I do. I forget what is behind me. I push hard toward what is ahead of me. 14 I push myself forward toward the goal to win the prize. God has appointed me to win it. The heavenly prize is Christ Jesus himself.
Now, before anyone gets upset about the line that says, “I forget what is behind me.” Paul, is talking about his own past that God had forgiven. He had done horrible things, and was washed clean, forgiven, because of Jesus’ death and resurrection.
I, however, look it from my own perspective and think of the verse this way… I do not want to be controlled by my past! I won’t forget, I can forgive, but I don’t want any of it to have control over me any longer. So, I push forward toward what is ahead…healing, freedom, wholeness.
God no longer holds my sins against me, because His Son paid for that on the cross. He has forgotten all my transgressions, when I accepted the gift of His Son. So, then why should I continue to beat myself up over the wrong things I’ve done? He doesn’t want me to be controlled by my past wrongs. And I believe, equally, He doesn’t want me to be controlled by the things that were done to me. He wants me to learn from my own personal mistakes. Also, He has taught me that the wrongs, sins, mistakes, and abuse of others was NOT my fault.
This is a new year, fresh start, new beginnings, whatever you want to call it in 2016. I’m not going back, I’m moving ahead! God is making all things new and I am following Him forward in 2016!
Thank you- to ALL of you- who have shown me so much in this short time while on this blog. Your courage, strength, honesty, perseverance and encouragement has been a true blessing to me. I am grateful to each of you, even though we have never met. We share so much in common, and yet we are different at the same time. I count it all JOY to be supported and encouraged by such wonderful people!
I have had a hard time allowing people to comfort me, give me hugs, etc., but I couldn’t help but send this…