Today started out like most, up at 5:00 (officially), drop by 7-Eleven for a 20 oz., hot coffee with french vanilla creamer, drive to my destination, run 5 miles in the dark, disclose the night activities of my parts, if any, listen to my friend, and solve all the problems necessary, prior to returning. Ha! If it were only that easy.
I do love to run, it helps me emotionally, and gets me motivated for the upcoming day. Tuesday is bible study day, and we are studying Revelation. It has never been a desire for me study this book, but I am learning a plethora of information. And I’m really liking it, while learning a plethora (my new word for today). It is overwhelming, at times, to fathom how much Satan wants to kill, steal, and destroy us. However, as a believer, I am on God’s team, and He wins in the end! And that, is GREAT NEWS!
After that I head to therapy, which has been fairly difficult on Tuesday’s. I have ended up sleeping in my car in the parking lot, drinking in the park, smoking outside on the steps, to simply being MIA (missing in action). Maybe I should call it MID (missing in dissociation). It is a shorter session, and there is always much to discuss after the weekend.
We started the session talking about Christmas…this is a difficult time for me, and maybe most of us with DID. For the past two years I haven’t been able to decorate my home, even forgoing a tree. One year, my friend and her daughter came to help, but it was undoing for me. We are also expecting my husband’s family after Christmas, I am already anxious about their arrival. This past year, we have converted our spare bedroom into a play, drawing, art, room for the insiders. They absolutely love to go in there and create, play, watch movies, and sing. Cindy, my artist, shares her space well, but dislikes when her things are out of place.
We aren’t sure it’s a good idea to clean it out for guests….maybe that is me being selfish or simply taking care of my parts and what is important to them. They feel safe in our home, I don’t want to send the message that they have to go into hiding or shut them down. Besides, I fear the in-laws will encounter the parts of me and not know what to do or say. My husband and boys are comfortable, and go with it, when that happens. Not sure the in-laws will be able to handle that. Either way, my sweet, loving husband took care of the arrangements- no one is staying with us!
Until next time…blessings to all!