It has been several days since I’ve posted anything. My shopping trip was a success, and Kathleen got a sweet doll. It is called “My First Hugging Doll”, and I believe that God showed us the perfect one. Why?? Well, I have been struggling with how I can show affection to my little parts. I want so badly to hug them, and let them know I love and care about them.
The doll, Kathleen named Lily, was exactly what she needed, but maybe what I needed to help her and the others as well. I think for all of us with DID, we struggle at times to show our young parts the love and affection they so desperately need. It felt weird at first, but I was glad to finally embrace the experience.
The next day, it was like I was being attacked from every angle. The horrible voice kept telling us, in the middle of the night, the doll needed to go, and that we didn’t deserve it. When I woke up, it wasn’t in the bed, I didn’t sleep well, and started having a migraine. The migraine lasted 2 days, and I had less than 3 hours of sleep each night.
Friday was therapy and I couldn’t wait to get all this worked out. You know how you sometimes have a plan heading into therapy? The only problem is, that once you get there, ‘the plan has left the building’! That is how my Friday session went.
I have always trusted my therapist, and how God leads our sessions, Friday was no exception. Even though I thought we would go one direction, He took us a different and much better way. We uncovered the horrible, berating voice, that appeared to be my father’s. That was a rough and exhausting session, glad it ended well, and that it’s over!