Today started out like usual, up at 5:30am and out the door with my friend to run our 4 miles. I’m recovering from a week long cold and that combined with little sleep, made it difficult to run for about two weeks. I am hopeful to get back to my regular 6 mile route.
Most people seem surprised when I tell them I run everyday, with 4 hours (or less) of sleep. One of the difficult things about having DID is the lack of sleep. Maybe we just get used to it, but it always seems to catch up and knock me down for awhile. Those are the bad days that I call being in the pit. Now, being in the pit doesn’t mean I am trapped there, it means I have been blessed with an incredible support team who climb in, rope intact, and get me out! What a blessing!
The bad days, which I call the “I don’t know”, because in those moments, hours, or days, I simple “don’t know” what to do. Of course, in my head, I have all the answers. It somehow never computes or gets to the areas that need an answer. Unfortunately, it is a common place for those of us with DID. I am not going to let it define or break me, but it certainly shuts me down for awhile.
I’m thankful that God knows what I need before I ask or even if I don’t know what to ask. He hears my groans, tears, and at times, shouting. He is always faithful, even when I am angry or feel like I’m never going to find healing. That my friends, is GOOD NEWS! Nothing, no not one thing, can separate us from the love of God!
Even though my day started out well with a run and then bible study, I hit a brick wall after therapy- crashed and burned from there. I know it is normal to have days like this, I’m not going crazy, and it is part of the process. The great thing about it is I can hit the restart button at any time. Keep moving forward and asking God for the strength you need to get through the next minute, hour, or day! Don’t give up…You are worth it and deserving of the good things God wants to give you!